24th glorious day of January 2019.

Greetings fellow tinnitus friends . 21.04 hrs. Here I sit after a pretty decent day of work, with Barbera the tune playing so loud it is insane.

Since midday / early afternoon she has been a joy. I have got on with the day, keeping myself busy and focused on work.

Yet…. louder and louder she has become. By 1700 hrs today I was thinking it was time to bury myself in a couple of beers.  For me the booze has no negative effect on the loudness. The booze distracts me, yet the issue is for me that it is easy to forget I don’t have an off switch.

In fact I do not have an off switch with anything. Do it or don’t seems to be how I am.

I have eaten and had a bucket of water, I have done some reading and watched a couple of YouTube videos on Tinnitus, diet and inflammation.

This got me to thinking… this got me to look at my diary. I looked at what has gone on over the last 6 weeks or so.  December was good, I saw loads of clients and friends and eat, drank and was merry far toooooo many times.

Sick note I was by late December and January has been one of much grumpiness.

I have taken: paracetamol, ibuprofen, antibiotics for the sinusitis and even more boots sinus tablets as the sinusitis showed it’s face again.

Food— well that has been made up of meat, pasta and bread. Milk for coffee. Cheese as it is my demon.

Running is what keeps me sane. I have exercised through the sickness with a few runs and a few gym sessions but nothing decent. No death mode, or just trashing myself.

I have always gotten physically stiff when I have not run. I have always gotten mentally lazy when I don’t run.

Add the pills above, the bread which is unusual, although I have to admit to loving bread, the meat and then man flu, I can kind of get it.

My body is inflamed. I have given Barbera what she loves. Inflammation.

So here I sit at 21.17hrs feeling pretty alone in my own head. The wife and my mate have said meditate.  Eff me. I appreciate the thoughts but I want to effing scream.  The noise is actually louder than my internal voice…

So here I am, listening to Barbera. Accepting Barbera. Appreciating Barbera.

Sitting here writing this, I have to admit I feel better. It distracts me. Yet I listen to my voices in my head that chatter in and around Barbera and they repeat:

F@ck me I won’t sleep tonight

F@ck me this is loud

F@ck me this is getting on my nerves.

I can recognise the negative self talk that creeps in. In she slides . Sliding in, gently unnoticed, ready to steer the path of negative downward spiral about Barbera and how she “makes me feel”

The military taught me many years ago that no one makes me feel anything. I choose to feel whatever I want. I have a choice… at this point… to choose the right thing.

But she has slid on in. Barbs has crept in and is forcefully creating the negative forward forecasts. I am letting Barbera tell me it is bad.

Well – let’s take stock. The ringing is effing bad. It is actually effing horrendous. I don’t feel well mentally or physically at this point.

However, like magic I can see from my diary the last month has been a bit of a roller coaster.. all the above stuff adds together to bring me banging Barbera tonight.

So here we are. I feel well. No chesty cough, no cold. No body aches, no shivers. Just Barbera banging at me.

So I need to do a fast. Go back to my mate OMAD for a day or two over the coming week.

Guess what my friends::: I have a general anaesthetic a week today… I am laughing..

One could not have timed Barbera better.

More drugs. They never have helped with Barbera. Maybe why I rarely take pills now unless in an emergency.

Tomorrow I shall run 10km. Slowly.

I shall eat clean food.

I shall lift weights. I will set about getting ready for a few OMAD days.

Gotta love Barbera. Today she has reminded me that I am well now and the straight and narrow must return.

Gotta love Barbera.